Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Why I Don’t Have Time to Write The Great American Novel By Big Jim Williams

In this year of 2015 I admit I’m a procrastinator when it comes to writing the Great American Novel. Don’t have the time, too many other things I must do:
Wake up.
Make the bed.
Shower and shave.
Floss, and brush my teeth.
Read the paper.
Eat breakfast.
Answer twenty emails.
See the dentist twice a year.
Have annual physical, hearing and eye exams.
Rotate my car’s tires and change oil.
Water lawn and garden.
Pull weeds.
Yell at the gophers.
Exercise for an hour.
Walk my dog.
Chase neighbor’s squatting dog off my lawn.
Take my late-morning nap.
Buy groceries and return some gadget that’s too big, too small, or doesn’t work.
Eat lunch.
Take early afternoon nap.
Watch TV news and yell at the talking heads.
Pay bills.
Pay property taxes.
Get the car washed and smogged.
Buy gas.
Renew driver’s license.
Bathe dog. (Won’t wash cat after multiple bites and scratches.)
Get the mail.
Scream and hang up on telemarketers.
Change batteries in smoke detectors and flashlights.
Trim toe- and finger-nails.
Take late afternoon nap.
Visit a sick friend in the hospital.
Research least crooked politician to vote for.
Phone Mom and talk for twenty minutes.
Answer call from Mom wanting to know why I haven’t called lately.
Argue with wife.
Make up with wife.
Buy wife flowers.
Chase same squatting dog off my lawn again.
Return library books.
Write Thank You note to host of 2002 Christmas Party.
Have a glass of wine. Maybe two glasses. Three’s even better.
Eat dinner.
Find the Tums.
Watch TV and yell louder at the talking heads.
Go to bed.
Read a good book.
Dream about writing the Great American Novel.
You can see why I don’t have time to write the great American novel. I’m also busy planning the Procrastinators’ 2004 Convention. Too busy to attend last year’s 2003 Procrastinators’ Convention. Heard it was fun.
Maybe I’ll do better tomorrow?

Big Jim Williams, author of Cattle Drive, “Peacemaker Award” winner of the Western Fictioneers’ Best First Novel Award of 2014, is also author of Jake Silverhorn’s Revenge, also published by High Noon Press and available from Amazon Books. He procrastinates in California.

Check out Big Jim's titles on Amazon:

1 comment:

  1. What a fun article, Jim! Loved it. I procastinate in Wisconsin. Write on!