By Big Jim Williams
I spoke with Abraham Lincoln the other night,” I said.
“You did what?” asked my friend. Dan.
“I exchanged words with the Great Emancipator,” I repeated.
“But Abraham Lincoln’s been dead a hundred and fifty years.”
“I thought so, too, but that didn’t stop him from swapping words about politics, books, and how the Dodgers are doing?”
“The Dodgers? The baseball team?”
“Abe’s a big fan. Watches all the games”
My friend cleared his throat and smiled at me like a straightjacket salesman measuring a new client.
“The great Civil War president,” I continued, “came right into my dream.”
“Ah, now I understand,” said Dan. “So you admit you were dreaming.”
“Of course. But things were just as real as when John Wayne rode a horse into my bedroom last week when I was dancing with Marilyn Monroe. Pooped on the floor, too.”
“The horse, John Wayne, or--”
“The horse of course,” I interrupted. “A man can always use another scoop or two of fertilizer for his garden.”
“Jim, those are sure mighty strange dream you’re having,” said Dan. “But all you writers are weird or you wouldn’t be writers.”
“The real nice part about my dream,” I continued, “is that Honest Abe, the Old Rail Splitter, said he’s been reading my new western novel, Cattle Drive, and liked it. Said it was some of the most exciting words he’d read since writing the Emancipation Proclamation.”
“An endorsement by Abraham Lincoln!” exclaimed Dan. “That’s unbelievable.”
“That should help sell a few copies,” said I.
“So, what did our sixteenth President write on the book jacket?”
“He wrote, ‘Cattle Drive by Big Jim Williams is a great book about the Old West. I couldn’t put it down. It’s a page turner full of cattle stampedes, double-dealing gamblers, wild women, friendships, broken promises, and more gunplay than a night out in Ford’s Theatre.’”
“Wow! President Abraham Lincoln actually wrote that?”
“But I still find your dreams hard to believe?” questioned Dan.
“Now,” I said, “all I need to do is get book endorsements from John Wayne and Marilyn Monroe.”